Is Nose Hairs a Sin?

There ain't none righteous, nary a one. (Psalm 14:3, The Hillbilly Bible Series)

I see a lotta folks these days talkin' 'bout what is a sin and what ain't a sin. My thinkin' is it's a little late in the game to be splittin' hairs. Is homer-sexuality a sin?  Is marital high infidelity a sin? Is nose hairs a sin? Folks Time is short. We're in the fourth quarter a the ball game. I reckon the point I wanna make is what diff'ernce does it make? We all done sinned and we all need us a savior.

We need to know that we're loved unconditional like and we need to know that God loves us that way. We need that. But in order to git it, we gotta admit we need it. And therein lies the problem...human pride. We don't like that word "sinner".  You don't hear it much no more, but let me tell ye, there's somethin' dang wrong with the world and I reckon it's the fact that we got us a problem and that problem is that we're jacked up. We sin. We mess up. Ain't nobody perfect, that's all in the world that means.

Now, I know all about sin. I done it a time or two. You might say I'm a expert on sinnin'. I'm selfish. I done hurt folks. Sometimes I'm lazy. Sometimes I look at gals like they was cheeseburgers and I had'n et in a month a Sundays. That's me.  Now, what hope has a fella like me got a makin' it to heaven?  None...nada...zilch...zero.

I gotta have somebody to speak up fer me. A fella cain't pull himself up by the bootstraps when he done messed up so bad they took his boots!  I need King Jesus....and if'n yer honest with yerself, you might find you do too.

Stevie Rey is the author of The Hillbilly Bible and a sinner saved by Grace.

(Sasquatch) Footprints in the Sand

Git em, Lord!  Just up and save me, my God!  Hit all my enemies smack in the mouth and make ‘em snaggletoothed!  (Psalm 3:7, The Hillbilly Bible Series)

Onced upon a time I had a dream that I was lookin' back on my life and they was some footprints...me and King Jesus just a strollin' along purdy as ya please.  And then I seen some big ole footprints come along kindly perpendicular to me and King Jesus as we was a strollin' along mindin' our own b'ness. Looked like they was a runnin' up on account these footprints was big and deep and ugly. And then it looked they they was a scuffle, with footprints ever where and it looked like I seen a big ole nasty brown tooth in the sand. And then you see the big ole footprints go a runnin' off like a scalded dawg.  And then there's just me and Jesus' footprints just a strollin' along again....

Anybody out there feel like they was attacked by a big ole nasty Sasquatch in 2012? I can relate!  The devil has flat got it in fer us, y'all. And if'n yer makin' some headway fer the Kingdom, man he will stop at nuthin' to bring ye down. I been hounded, knocked out, knocked down, burnt up, beat up and warshed out, and that was just in January of 2012!

But I'm still hill here.  Somebody told me that was courageous.  Honey, that ain't courage.  Man, I held on to King Jesus just a squealin' like a thirteen year ole girl at a Elvis concert in '56.  I held on fer dear life, until He beat up the Squatches in my life and they up and runoft. 

I'm a Jesus guy. I'm a grace guy. I ain't got no other tale to tell but Jesus and Grace. I'm like a guitar with one string and I just keep twangin' on that one ole string.  King Jesus is why I'm here. His Love is the Best. And I'd give up ever'thang to git it and keep it. I need it like a ole crack junky.

I cain't promise y'all silver. And I cain't promise ye gold. But what I got I give to ye freely. King Jesus come up into this here ole world to save sinners and yer lookin' at the head honcho....so guess what? That means they's hope fer you too....He'll give ye the love you always wanted and needed...straight up in yer heart where it hurts the most....and He'll beat up the Sasquatches in yer life and leave 'em snaggletoothed and runnin' fer cover.

They's a reason they call it Good News. 

Stevie Rey is a rockstar wannabe and the author of The Hillbilly Bible.  He resides in Memphis, Tennessee where there is no shortage of rockstars and a peculiar absence of Sasquatches.

 

The Day I Kicked My Own Tail

My heart ain't proud, Aw Lord, and I ain't on a high horse; I ain't a gonna worry bout stuff I cain't control.  But I just up and told myself to sit down and shut up; like a little ole baby with his momma, that's how I finally got myself to calm down.  -Psalm 131: 1-2 (The Hillbilly Bible)

Mercy. We can plumb git outta control with plannin' and worryin' and manipulatin' and huffin' and puffin'.  We ain't blowin' nobody's house down but our own.  Boy, how we work ourselves up in a tizzy about it all. What am I gonna do to pay these bills?  Lord, what about my love life?  Lord, what if Disney messes up Star Wars!

Folks, I am the King of workin' myself up in a tizzy 'bout stuff that don't amount to a hill a beans.  Sometimes ya gotta take a switch to yerself and wear that little tail out!

Stevie Rey, sit down and shut up!

WHAP!!  WHAP!!!

wwwwwwwwWAAAAHHHH!!! 

Give it a rest, Stevie!

Git over there in that corner til ye dry up!!!

Then ye commence to blubberin' , like when ye was a baby and and momma did'n git ye no Stretch Armstrong fer Christmas.  But finally, after all the blubberin' ye quiet down and yer a lot better. Sometimes we gotta do that to ourselves. Ain't nobody else gonna do it! And we would'n dare tell nobody 'bout all the stuff that goes through our heads.

Y'all, we need to git back to livin' in the moment. Enjoyin' today....who knows how many tomorrows are even left....and ye git to the end and find out ye spent all yer todays up worryin' about a tomorrow that never came. Kick yer own tail if'n ye gotta, but git yer head right. You and me ain't gonna ever figure it all out. And we ain't gotta. We just gotta trust the one that does have it all figured out.

Stevie Rey is a writer, humorist, rockstar wannabe, and author of The Hillbilly Bible.  He resides in Memphis, Tennessee.